The Marriage God Redeemed. . .(Part 2: This is Where the Healing Begins)

This is where the healing begins, oh

This is where the healing starts

When you come to where you're broken within

The light meets the dark

The light meets the dark

Today, I didn't run The Bridge, I didn't jog, I didn't even walk fast enough to keep a high pulse.  I set my Pandora to "Need to Breath Radio," and I prayed, worshiped and took the time to abide in the great healer of my broken soul. I praised Him for healing me, and I pondered the areas of my heart that still need His healing.  The places with bitter scars, the places of forgiveness for myself as well as others.  Others that will never care if I have forgiven them, but I need to because that is what God asks of me.  Forgiveness will lead to healing....God continuing His mighty healing in the soft spots of my heart.  

 I thought back to October, 4 years ago, and how Satan's plan was in its most early motions.  I was oblivious.  Still believing I was rooted in an unwavering faith but becoming more and more complacent, unintentional in my walk with every step I took.  I wasn't using the map and though the Lord was warning me and knocking at my heart, I couldn't hear Him because quite frankly I wasn't listening.  Rather, I allowed the lies to be louder and drowned out the Voice of Truth.  Lies telling me that change was a good thing.  That everyone kept me in a box. I grew anxious...

I thought back to October, 3 years ago, and how my heart was broken.  How I wasn't sure how I had gotten to such a dark, scary and lonely place.  How I hated who I saw in the mirror, and I wanted to feel worthy of love again.  I went through the motions of life.  I knew all the right things to say and do, but when I was alone, I cried in my brokenness.  I begged God to help me, but I did not repent. . .my prayers were from a heart that felt empty.  My husband tried to understand the place I was in. He tried to be a part of it. He did not understand the depths of my darkness. I loved him, and my heart hurt, but I pushed him away.  I was in the midst of a "season of Seduction" Beth Moore refers to in, "When Godly people do Ungodly Things." 

I thought back to October, 2 years ago.  Still such a broken soul, a fallen girl.  I sought comfort in all the wrong places hoping to find myself somewhere in the midst of it all, but my heart was not repentant.  The healing would not come as I hid in my darkness.  I continued through the motions, just as I had a year ago, but I pushed away love.  I was angry.  The pain was more than I could carry on my shoulders.  I wondered just how many cracks I could take before I would shatter into a million pieces.  I pushed my husband away. He saw my pain, but he was at a loss. I did not know it then, but he was praying for me just as the Prodigal son's father prayed for him to return.  He knew the roots of my heart would bring me home as long as he prayed with expectancy   

Finally, with great praise, I thought of October, 1 year ago.  Just 6 months earlier, I was brought to true repentance. I felt joy again. I felt the movement of my baby boy, a blessing of mercy inside my womb. I felt the full love of my husband again, and I felt worthy to receive it. I praised God for taking me back. I sought guidance in His Word. I felt comfort in the prayers of trusted friends. I felt
renewal in worship.  I vowed to make Satan sorry he messed with our family. Covered in grace, I was humbled knowing I did not have to walk with my head in shame.  I praised the Father, from whom all blessings flow every single day....a year later, I still do. My darkness met the light and the healing began.

***I wrote this yesterday, but I didn't post it. I didn't post it because I became concerned and overwhelmed with the people who read my blog and then gossip about me. People using their own conjecture to fill the gaps of my story. But today, The Lord reminded me why He has me blog. He reminded me that I'm fearing idle gossip from people who don't matter. He reminded me of His plan, and that He has my hand and wants me to walk boldly. So, here I am, vulnerable once again on the World Wide Web.

Finally, Brian and I would like to ask those of you praying for us for this coming Saturday night to pray specifically or our hearts and minds to be protected this week. We also ask that you pray if there is anything in our talk God would have us change that we would hear His voice and not resist Him.