The Marriage God Redeemed (Part 3: You are More)

You are more than the choices that you've made

you are more than the sum of your past mistakes

you are more than the problems you create

you've been remade. .

I wanted to write more last week and share how amazing last Saturday night was.  The Holy Spirit completely took over as Brian and I shared our story.  I felt calm and confident in who God had made me and what He had brought us through.  I felt peace in knowing our story can help others.  We were overwhelmed with the loving response we received, and I spent all day Sunday on a "spiritual high." Monday was a different story.  I felt everything I have ever done tumble down on top of me.  Flashes of darkness invaded my mind.  Memories of pain. Visions of things I wish to forget.  I spent all week fighting a battle with myself.  

Then, someone posted THIS blog.  Her story is very different than mine, but it has impacted me in ways I can't explain.  The truth is, I did have to walk through the dessert to be all God wants me to be.  The Lord saw His plans for me on the other side of darkness.  Do I celebrate the choices I made, the dark path I took?  NO!  Do I celebrate I am redeemed, and I can now be who the Lord intended? YES! 

The chorus above from Tenth Avenue North was popular in April of 2011, and I clung to the words each and every time I heard it played.  My amazing husband would even text me, "you are more" at the perfect time.  Getting beat down by what I had done and where I had been would not bring Glory to God.  Rather, rejoicing in His remaking of me would impact HIS Kingdom in ways I have been privileged to see as well as in ways that are yet to come.  

I think back to who I was in my early twenties.  I was a girl who loved her God but was narrow and righteous in her ways.  I rarely saw past the surface of someone's pain.  I did not offer sincere compassion.  I was not a giver of grace.  Don't get me wrong, I was not cruel, but I was self-righteous and I liked my "Christian bubble." 

Today, I tell you that there is no story anyone could bring my way that I would not immediately offer them grace, understanding, compassion.  My focus is no longer that sin but rather what brought them to such a place and how can healing begin.  I want relationships that reach beyond "Sunday school level." I want to see Kingdom building be the outcome of every single story.  No matter how bleak it may seem.  

I don't think I would have ever described myself as arrogant, but I have to tell you, that is exactly what I was.  And Satan knew it.  He knew taking a mixture of my righteous arrogance, my trusting nature, my naive ways, and all my insecurities that he would create the "perfect storm." 

Brian and I were also arrogant.  We thought we had it all figured out. . .the problem was, we didn't and we left the door wide open for Satan to try to destroy us.  We allowed toxic people in our lives.  We stopped being intentional with one another.  We stopped focusing on Christ.  Satan was knocking at our door, and as much as it shames me to say, I am the one who answered.  I let him in. 

I praise God, though, that our story is about REDEMPTION.  WE ARE MORE! God had and has so much more planned for us.  That was not destroyed.  His plan is bigger, and I get to be a part of that plan.